So my best friend calls me this weekend to let me know that she is expecting her first baby. Of course this is a cause for celebration but admittedly selfish my enthusiasm was curbed. It's been no secret that I have been wanting another child for a couple of years now and notwithstanding the daily complaints of my only child on how lonely it is without any siblings the pressure I feel to try and make that happen often builds up. I have seen 6 other women around me become pregnant in the past year and with not even a boyfriend to even potentially become pregnant by I was a little jealous. But hey at least I can admit it right?
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Well, I ended the conversation when my BF told me rather quickly so I could mentally process the “good news.” I griped and complained to my mom and my other friends about it. Until the next morning I decided to call her back and be the friend I knew she would be with me when I tell her I am expecting again. To my surprise, my BF was not as excited as I thought she might be. She was actually very nervous and started telling me how she was going to need my help because she had no idea what it would take to be a parent. I took the time to let her know that I would be there with her every step of the way and to let her know how great of a mother I thought she would be. As I listened to the words roll off of my tongue I realized how happy I really was for my friend to be pregnant. She would be a part of the mommy sorority and we had to stick together! All in all, I cannot wait to see her all pregnant and miserable to see her and help her through the joys and the trials of motherhood. I am gonna be “Tia Cini” (Aunt Cini in Spanish).
I guess we all have selfish moments when someone gets something we want. If it had been that new BMW I have been eyeing I may have had the same slight of jealousy and then I would have gotten over it just the same because guess what? She’s my bestie and that means I get to roll in it and probably even DRIVE it if I make a big enough fuss. The same goes for her new baby. I get to enjoy the journey right along with her. So ultimately happiness isn’t in question because being happy for her is happy for me.
We do sometimes get so caught up in our own selfish wants that we miss the beauty and joy of celebrating someone else’s accomplishments and gains. We forget how horrible it felt when no one celebrated with us during our high time, and vowed not to allow anyone else to feel what we had to endure. So, great when we can get over ourselves and "do unto others as we would have them do unto us..."
ReplyDeleteI definitely like the entry. I know it's been crazy with everyone getting all knocked up. It feels like you're left behind -- even if the feeling is very shorted-lived.
ReplyDeleteI've felt like that before in different situations, especially when I've seen others around me find love. That same thought would pop into my head all the time, albeit brief, I deserve love too and why does he/she get that before me. I'm a good person and don't understand why people who don't deserve it get to experience something that I want so badly. It was always a slight second and I'd be happy for them because in the end, my friends deserve happiness as much as I do.
I just feel that you have something that needs to be done before God allows for the right man to come along and knock you up :) You have this incredible energy and I know that you are destined for something great. I think God wants you to do that first since you've already been blessed with a child. What you'll do will create change and inspiration. When you change one person's life then you'll be ready to be a mom again, by the will and grace of God.
I it isn't easy and it hurts a bit when you first receive the news... hell I don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep because I didn't have what I wanted most in this world... but as you said, true happiness comes also flourishes within oneself when loved ones are happy too.
I love you!